20 Ridiculous And Toxic Requests These Women Received From Their Exes
Article created by: Kotryna Br
The term ātoxic relationshipā was first coined by Dr. Lillian Glass, a California-based communication and psychology expert in 1995. She defined it as āany relationship [between people who] donāt support each other, where thereās conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where thereās competition, where thereās disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.ā
Today, we hear of it more often than ever. You may wonder what on earth happened that so many of us struggle to have healthy relationships, but itās always best to listen to those who have been in such situations and experienced what itās like in the first place.
So when the Redditor SputtleBug posted a question āWhat is the most ridiculous thing a partner has asked you to change about yourself?ā on r/AskWomen, it seems like it hit close to the bone for many women in the community. So they shared their genuinely disturbing experiences that show just how lethal and wrong some relationships are and remind everyone that we donāt ever have to put up with it.
He wanted me to get rid of my pets, if I was reeeeaaally good though, he could be okay with me keeping my dog. Nope! Got rid of him instead.
Said I used “too many big words” and he just wanted to be able to “relax” more. Criticized my tv and movie preferences as being too “cerebral.” Also told me I was too “analytical” in how I liked to solve problems. Now I have an MA and JD, and married a tech millionaire with a Ph.D. in theoretical physics, so looks like my preference for cerebral entertainment and big words paid off.
Asked me to be more “agreeable” and not discuss feminist issues in his presence. This winner also told me I needed to lose about 40 pounds because women shouldn’t weigh more than 120. For context, I’m 5’9″ and at the time was wearing a size 6. I noped out of that relationship pretty quick.
It wasn’t a long term thing, we had been dating for a few months at the time. He didn’t ask me to change specifically but he was upset when he found out I was born in Romania. I was adopted by an American family when I was two and have lived in the US for the vast majority of my life. I barely remember anything about Romania.
He couldn’t see himself with someone like me because I wasn’t actually white. So he broke up with me. It was pretty shocking, I had no idea he had this massively racist side to him. He did me a favor.
He asked me to pretend I wasnāt in pain when I was.
I have endometriosis and if Iām dating you, you will have an up-close and personal seat into the life of someone with a chronic pain condition.
Now, I donāt complain a lot about it, itās just a fact of my life, and I came to terms with it a long time ago. So when my ex-fiancĆ© got āfed upā with me ābeing sick all the time,ā I told him I canāt act healthy all the time when Iām sometimes in debilitating painā¦.and he said, āCanāt you fake it?ā
I dye my hair a lot, this is something Iāve always taken pride in and I LOVE my hair. My ex, on the other hand told me I wouldnāt meet his parents until I got rid of the crazy colors. I never met the parents.
Me having Aspergerās, and he was a doctor too. When we started dating he was obsessed with how I was āthe smartest person heād ever metā then he tried to get me off my meds because he didnāt believe in them and didnāt understand sensory meltdowns, then when we broke up he said āI tried to fix you but I failedā lol ok ādoctorā good luck with that cure for autism
My religion. He verbally assaulted me when I said I didnāt want to convert to Islam. He did a lot worse, but thatās where the abuse began.
The way I walk (I “walk too loudly”) and the way my face looks when I read books. Apparently, I was supposed to smile all the time.
Just having a nice smile reading All Quiet on the Western Front.
He wanted me to distance myself from my family mainly because he wasn’t close to his family and didn’t have that kind of support.
He picked me up on Thanksgiving to have lunch with his mom. He promised we would go together to my family’s Thanksgiving at dinner. Evening rolled around and he proclaimed he was too tired to go and refused to drive me the whole 25 minutes to my grandpa’s house. When I didn’t show up my family freaked out and my siblings came to get me. My brother asked my boyfriend what happened and he couldn’t come up with an answer other than he was tired. Later he posted online my brother tried to fight him haha. Dumped him that night! I would have left him sooner, but I was young and dumb!
He didnāt want me to cry. Ever. āThe women in my family would never cry unless their arm was being sawed off at the time.ā Twenty some years later I realized he should have married his sister
Him: You shouldn’t wear makeup;
Me: Why, what’s the problem? Lots of women wear makeup;
Him: My mom doesn’t
“You’re too nice, you need to stop that.” Said every time I gave money or food to a panhandler or charity, any time I expressed compassion for someone who wasn’t him, and especially when we were watching George W Bush’s invasion of Iraq and I was horrified at all the Iraqi people dying.
He thought my laugh could be more “ladylike,” because as long as I had a witch cackle he wouldn’t “be able to take me anywhere high-class.”
He was flat broke at the time and I was paying for everything. I also sound different depending on how hard I’m laughing, so it’s not like I had to break out the witch laugh at all these imaginary restaurants and balls we were totally going to attend. Didn’t matter, he wanted me to train myself out of it anyway
My last partner tried to make me change my willingness to be cheated on. She thought I should be “open to the idea”
My whole personality. This dude (admittedly very shallow looking back but I was so naive then) told me straight up that I was cute but Iād be better off without the personality because āitās a bit much.ā He didnāt like that I liked to laugh and joke around and such. He basically wanted me to just become an accessory. Shut up and look pretty. Yeah nah I got tf outta there
