75 Things People Thought Were A Flex But They Actually Aren’t
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My cousin once bragged that he had never used sunscreen in his life. Said it with total pride like he was invincible, while peeling like a lobster on vacation. lmao.
A manager of a different department to me prided herself on being crazy busy all the time. She proudly told me she hasnāt listened to music in 15 years because she doesnāt have time. I asked if she has a radio in her car and she said she turns it off. I said, what about in supermarkets where they play background music, she said she tunes it out and ignores it. This conversation was about 12 years ago and Iām still so confused.
My mom used to brag that she stayed in an a*****e relationship because she didn’t want to be a “homie hopper” and women should stay loyal to one man and one man only
Anyways, the guy stabbed her and almost k**led her in 2016.
“I don’t read” the guy actually thought this made him cool. I followed the question with “not even magazine articles?” This was right before smartphones completely took over. I was in shock. Still am. He made it sound like he goes out of his way to avoid reading. Like he likes to be willfully ignorant of all things that feed the brain. Maybe I’m a snob, but I can’t get behind that. At the very least, maybe read a shampoo bottle when you poop!
āI worked 80 hours last weekā
A guy at my salaried job..
I’ve said this before and it was popular, so I’ll say it again. Anyone who bragged about not getting good grades.
My neighbors across the street. A mom, her daughter, and 2 grandkids. She was pissed because the school was sending the police due to her granddaughters missing too many days.
‘I didnt finish high school and neither did my daughter, and we turned out fine!’
No, you didnt. You have 4 people in a 2 bedroom house that’s falling apart and no car between the 4 of you. She was ranting about this while I was giving her a ride across town, because we are nice people and would occasionally help them.
Does this count? I had a boss who would call my handwriting ugly and chicken scratch. She thought she had the “authority” to say it because she won an award for her handwriting, which she bragged about almost once a week. Eventually, I learned that the award she won was from Grade 3……………….. Girly was in her 70s!
I always thought āwe work hard, we play hardā was a weird flex bc literally everyone Iāve known who said this worked ungodly hours to the point they had no outside life, and the āplay hardā part just meant that when they did get off work, they would drink themselves into oblivion with their coworkers, who were pretty much the only people they had any contact with.
My ex boss said he doesn’t even know the name of his son or how old he exactly is. He’s married, his son and wife live in the same house. He’s just a d**k.
I’m always weirded out by old folk at work who will proudly tell you that they don’t know how to use computers properly. That they’ve never learned to use Excel or whatever. Well done, you’re s**t at your job. I’m no spring chicken but I’ve tried very hard over the years to keep a bit up to date.
When I worked and lived in South Korea, I came across a guy from the US who proudly claimed that he had been living there for over five years and “I’ve never tried Korean food, not even once.”
Sir, why did you even choose to come to Korea?
Meanwhile, I ate Korean food regularly and discovered brand new favourites ā some of which I still seek out at Korean restaurants here in Canada.
I once walked out of the grocery store to see a guy leaning against this beautiful electric blue mustang, hitting on some girls and flexing on his ride and how hard he worked to get it and how he could take them for a spin in it if they’d agree to go on a date with him.
It was my mustang. I set the alarm off and just watched the panic from a distance.
An old guy that I used to work with used to say all the timeā¦.Iāve smoked for 52 yearsā¦since I was 13.
“i dont like your father but i stay with him for you”
every professional ive spoken to and the rest of my family all agree that my parents shouldve split up because they treat eachother and me like absolute a*s.
I have a coworker in his 60s who brags about fights he won in elementary school. Like, watch out, we got a bada*s over here.
My ex brother in law, when we first met him, said he had a file of Domestic Violence charges as thick as a phonebook.
That was a miserable 4 years.
Guy hitting on me at a bar in Los Angeles asked me what I did. Told him I was a 2nd year at UC Berkeley Law.
He guffawed in my face and said āI was just in a national PEDIGREE commercial.ā Pedigree as in dog food.
I know this person who has these giant bicep muscles. Him and his partner would always brag how they’re the biggest in the area. But honestly, they look ridiculous. Like someone jammed toddler head into his arm, they’re huge. But it’s not proportional to the rest of his body. I went home and had a good cackle with my husband about it.
“I smoked through all five of my pregnancies and my kids turned out fine.”
My boss, when I was pregnant and explaining why I didn’t want to sit on the dock and smoke anymore.
I had a coworker once who bragged that he has cheated on every girl he ever had. Dude was definitely a d****e.
āYouāre allergic to shellfish? Psh, so am I but I donāt let it stop me.ā Then the guy proceeds to down four or five shrimp.
Imma throw in here Iāve been severely allergic for a couple years, heād just found out and at first it was just mild skin irritation and a scratchy throat.
Glad I had a back up epi and knew how to use it, exposing himself the way he had been had made the allergy so much worse. Still took him to the ER and stayed with him till they got him unshrimped lol.
āI donāt use my PTOā soooo youāre working for free basically? Weird flex but ok (we get X amount of days off that donāt roll over or pay out).
I’ve shared this before somewhere else, but I feel like it fits.
I used to work in a library that was in a v deprived area. Local kids would hang out there cos there wasn’t really anywhere else for them to go. They had to have a library card to do that, and we kept a list of their parents/guardians to call if things got rowdy, which they often did.
One time these 2 kids were causing trouble after closing time, wouldn’t leave, were throwing furniture around and yelling in our faces. I told them we were going to call their parents, one of them turned around and said triumphantly “HA! I don’t even HAVE any parents!”
She did have grandparents though, who were pretty pissed when they heard what she’d been up to.
” I ordered over 200,000 dollars in chicken, do you know how much chicken that is “
Me : “wow”
For context i was a manager at a strip club and these high rollers owned a very succesful chain of meat markets.
On TikTok, there are dudes bragging about working 100hrs a week only to make like 10k a month, which, when you do the math, is a wage of only around $18/hr.
āIāve had all degrees of burns.ā In college, my husband was loitering in a hallway waiting for his class to open and was standing near a girl and a guy. Girls hands are both wrapped in gauze and the guy asks why. She says she has second degree burns on her hands and had to wrap them up. Then he very confidently comes out with āyeah, well Iāve had all degrees of burnsā as the ultimate story top. It is said frequently around my home to this day and is a part of our family vocabulary.
āI have kids, Iāve passed on my genetic codeā – my brother bragging to me whilst being jobless, owing thousands in child support, and barely seeing his kids.
A couple of weeks ago, a mother of 4 was talking and goes,
“I took their pacifiers away really early, and if they sucked their thumb, I just spanked em! None of them suck their thumb now!”
She was beaming with pride, and at that moment, I realized why when she called any of the girls, they instantly ran over. As a young parent, I’m not here to judge your parenting style, but at the same time, beating behavior out of your kid isnt the flex you think it is.
My brother in law has bragged to me several times about the eye doctor saying he has the strongest eyelids she has ever dealt with.
A former flatmate of mine claimed he was very eco-conscious and thrifty, and for that reason, he very rarely used the washing machine and only needed one paper toilet roll a month.
For context, he was trying to justify a 5ā¬ discount on the flatmates’ shared expenses – after 8 months of never spending a dime on them nor doing anything for the flat.
Dude I knew used to brag about how he keeps his car super clean because he washes it every weekend in front of his house.
turns out he tried starting up a car washing business and it went under. He has like five years worth of cleaning supplies that heās trying to get through. Thatās why he cleans his car all the time.
A friend of mine said she was proud of convincing her nephew out of applying for high school.
Sister in law brags about how hard it is to get her blood drawn. Was especially proud when the cancer infusion people had to help her once. Like why is that a good thing, it sounds awful.
I once heard a guy brag about how he can recite the entire alphabet backwards while doing a handstand. I mean, thatās impressive, but also very specific for a party trick.
Working at a call center for a local medical group. Kind of a sad place with cubicles that were three feet wide and the walls went all the way up to the ceiling.
The woman I was shadowing was proudly telling me that today was her tenth anniversary with the company, and as a reward she got an additional paid day off. So if I work hard, I could have FOUR paid days off in ten years.
The only job I straight up walked out of.
Older gent, engineer. I don’t share info with anyone incase they know more than me and steal my job. What an idiot..
Years ago I went to a Mexican restaurant with my cousins. One of them starts mouthing off to the waitress because she forgot his sour cream. His equally-annoying brother tries to flirt with the waitress like āIām not a p***y and I can eat Mexican food without sour creamā. He pauses so the Mexican waitress can congratulate him but she just goes (sigh) āokā.
One day during my Masters program, my friends and I were discussing the dorm bathroom setup. One of my hall-mates shared that when she had to go in the middle of the night, she preferred peeing into a Ziploc bag and dropping it out of her third floor window into the dumpster directly below. Iāve never heard a table get shocked into silence so quickly.
āI can name all the Disney princessesā (from a 45 yr old man).
He’s married but has no kids. And he said it with a straight face. Not the slightest bit of sarcasm. Just wanted to let people know.
Last place I worked had a woman who bragged about having the most sick time and not using it. But would come in sick and work then complain when people would call out because they got sick.
āI donāt take sick days; I just come to work and do my jobā. We work in education, funny how he isnāt here post 2021. But you know.. we have years of whole classes getting sick to look back on.
Guy in front of me got stopped at customs and said very loudly and very slowly to the agent: āI am an international businessman.ā
This was 20 years ago and I think of it weekly. No actual international businessman has ever described themselves that way.
“I was a virgin before I got here. Since then I’ve had s*x with like 20 girls.” Freshman friend of my college roommate. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that he was still a virgin and given my roommate and his other friends reaction, they probably thought so too.
“I dont love my wife but she thinks I do. Overall I dont have feelings for people”. He did not say this as it was a problem, but proud of it.
āI have a bachelor degree in psychology. As your friend I just want to help you and you seriously need a visit to the psych ward since I suspect youāre borderline personality disorder.ā
I was stunned by this person and her claims (only a clinical psychologist can confirm formal diagnosis if borderline personality disorder or any other diagnoses . I asked her politely why and she told me that I was having severe identity issues. I told her I knew who I was. She was very upset and we needed help(ironic) but we didnāt get it. Oh well. Luckily she did GET PROFESSIONAL help and I donāt have borderline personality disorder.
I once had a classmate brag that he could rotate molecules in his head faster than another student. We were all chemistry majors. š.
A co-worker once told me he got a police ‘escort’ out of his previous job for threatening to k**l his boss. He then made a mic drop motion with his hand followed by a little gotcha style laugh. This was in response to our boss walking by our work station without saying hello.
āI went to college!ā
This was said to me with indignation by a customer at a Barnes & Noble as part of a tantrum when I, an employee, kindly asked that he be careful reading a book (that he didnāt pay for) in our cafe while drinking the coffee I just handed him.
My exes terrible step dad moved their family into the worst neighborhood in town and told me directly “I moved my family here because this is where I grew up and look how good I turned out”
I mean the guy was well off. He was a foreman of a construction company. Well paid.
I guess he wanted me to ignore the 12 years of federal prison for armed robbery and attempted murder š¤·.
I work in mental health care. on my first day two people turned their noses up at me for working in admin because they were both counsellors, and then one of them bragged about not being able to meditate because her “thoughts just go too fast”. congratulations you will be horrible to your patients and either disorganised or really stressed out? well done? I would never want to receive treatment from someone that puts someone down for doing a different job to them?
My momās husband who is mid to late 40s was bragging to my sister that he made a $3500 commission as a realtor. Now that would be impressive right except he was previously an engineer making 6 figures and refused to accept any salary less than 150k so now heās a real estate agent. Also that was the only commission he made in 8 months. Heās also the kind of guy who tells people if you work hard enough you can be a millionaire, poor people choose to be poor..
This dude I worked with a while ago would come into work every Monday with a new story about how he survived some 50 mph motorcycle accident or gotten into a huge fight. Like dude you just sound like an unstable liar.
āI just tell it like it is. I aināt gonna hold nothinā back. I donāt give a f**k what anybody thinks.ā
-Redneck flex.
Okay, you have no grace, no decorum and no concern about the feelings of others.
My one college roommate and I had like a 10 minute conversation when he claimed his s**t didn’t stink. I laughed at first because I thought it was a joke based on the popular idiom, but no, as he continued talking I realized he really, genuinely, thought his s**t didn’t stink.
As a roommate, you learn things about people you sometimes wish you didn’t. But I can verify, his s**t didn’t not stink..
Me, an adult, visiting a friend whose cousin (also both adults) was also there. I said something and used āgoogleā like a verb and the cousin yelled, āWE BING IN THIS HOUSE,ā like he was scolding a child. I laughed but he yelled it again louder.
A friend said this: “My mom flies her housemaid in business class with her so she doesn’t have to carry any luggage, even her handbag.”
Im from India, and her mom travels to like 10 countries a year, lol.
“there was a couple in the shop setting up monthly payments for their pram, they must have looked at us, young couple, nice car and been jealous we just bought the pram outright” – my brother, leaving out a very important part… He was given the money to buy the pram by his in laws, it wasn’t his money. Also my parents bought his car š.
Someone describing themselves as a “Hardcore vaper”.
Don’t brag about being an a****t.
“I’m such a good liar. You won’t believe the things I’ve said that people believe.”
We were at work. And Yes, they had a Sales role.
āI went to school on Halloween dressed as The Crow. Not Eric Draven from the movie but the character from my fanfic.ā -that person was me.
āI make the best kool aid. ā she was so proud at the age of close to 60. I said what do you use? āTwo cups of sugar per package. ā. Ugh.
Not necessarily a flex but a guy from another company called me and said “my name is ‘von something’ and I insist on the ‘von’ “.
Needless to say everyone at my work kept calling him just ‘something’.
A boss at my old job once told me he’d “never let his wife ride the bus.”
First, congratulations on owning a car. Second, what, does she have to ask you to leave the house? Are you not married to an adult who can make her own decisions?
