“She Deserved It More Than Me”: Family Demands Woman Gives Her Baby To Her Sister
Jealousy is a horrible emotion that sometimes makes people do shortsighted and downright hurtful things. It’s the kind of emotion that often blinds someone to just how delusional and entitled they are, but it’s that much more painful when it’s coming from a family member.
A woman had an unhappy surprise when she learned her jealous sister wanted her to hand over her baby. For some absurd reason, her family believed she would not be a good mom, not have time for the child, and that her life was “good enough” already. So she shared this encounter online and people gave their thoughts on the story.
Entitled people often can not see the flaws in their logic
Woman holding her baby in a kitchen, illustrating family demands about giving her baby to her sister.
Image credits: Polina Tankilevitch (not the actual image)
A woman was confused to learn her family wanted her sister to raise her baby
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After reading the comments, OP gave an update
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Family demands woman give her baby to her sister in a controversial custody and care dispute.
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Entitlement often makes people ignore reality
Young woman sitting at kitchen table, looking upset as family demands she gives her baby to her sister.
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
First and foremost, obviously, OP is so far in the right, that it seems superfluous to even ask the internet for advice, particularly when her husband is also firmly on her side. She simply has the misfortune, though no fault of her own, to deal with people who feel like they can simply make these demands. It’s clear that the sister has some unresolved issues due to her own failed relationships, but what is even stranger is the fact that her family seems to be going along with it.
Unfortunately, entitlement is normally a response to other, psychological and behavioral issuesbut its precise triggers are often unclear. While from the outside, these sorts of requests are obviously delusional, it’s important to remember that, in this case, the sister no doubt actually believes she should have her sibling’s baby. No doubt, she has rationalized a universe where due to her misfortune and her perception of her sister’s life, she actually would be a better mother for this child. This is, without a doubt, delusional, but it’s unlikely that she can see that in the moment. In a better world, her parents would have done what they could to dissuade this sort of thinking, but unfortunately, it seems that they have instead amplified it, either because they agree or because they do not know how to say no.
Part of the rationalization for such bizarre behavior can come from the misguided belief that misfortune needs to be followed by something “good.” Some people believe in karma, fate, or some universal balance, but this brings with it the risk of leaning on this idea too much. Because “karma” owing you a win is not the same as another person owning you anything at all. Naturally, this probably causes some distress and even anger when reality doesn’t match up with expectations.
Leaving your psychological hangups unresolved isn’t healthy for anyone
Young woman in a plaid shirt looking serious, reflecting on family demands about giving her baby to her sister.
Image credits: EyeEm (not the actual photo)
There is some indication that, deep down, OP’s sister does understand that her request doesn’t really make much sense. For example, she does her best to rationalize taking the baby, arguing that its actual mother, somehow, won’t have time for it. She also has assumed or is trying to force upon OP, the idea that she never even wanted to get married. This really doesn’t stand up to even seconds of scrutiny, as OP eloped, which shows an above-average desire to get married.
The alternative explanation, which is perhaps more plausible, is that she has an unhealthy obsession with her sister’s husband. Raising this man’s child might “keep him around” she perhaps reasoned, overlooking just how deeply unhealthy this concept is for everyone involved. We already know she perhaps doesn’t see reality nearly as clearly as she should which could, which might also be the reason she vastly overestimates her chances to steal away a baby and a man who has no interest in her. Many humans do overestimate their chances far too often, most visibly when it comes to gamblers.
OP has suggested the possibility of moving away to escape from a family that so readily indulges in the sister’s delusions. While by itself, this encounter is weird and uncomfortable, there is also the risk that it won’t be the last. Unfortunately, people with a skewed perception of reality and their own “rightness” might not stop at a simple no, so OP might be correct to try and protect herself and her family. Ultimately, the sister needs therapy and parents who make her face reality and move on with her life, instead of making demands of their other child.
OP responded to some reader questions
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Commenters were shocked by the families behavior and gave OP some suggestions
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