“So Much Rice”: 23 Interracial Couples Reveal The Biggest Cultural Differences They’ve Observed
Article created by: Monika Pašukonytė
When two people come together, many ideas, styles, and cultural preferences are brought into the mix. This is magnified when both partners are from different races because their cultural backgrounds and ways of living are usually distinct.
These differences can make for some funny and interesting stories. From not using the dishwasher for its intended purposes to loving cabbage, here are some of the shocking things people had to adjust to in an interracial relationship.
More info: Reddit
I am white.
My estranged family still implies that my Filipino husband is a scammer and is only with me for the money and Canadian citizenship.
We have been together for almost 15 years. Married for 12.
You think that if he was only with me for the Canadian citizenship, he would’ve left me 10 years ago after he became a Canadian citizen.
I don’t even make a lot of money. He doesn’t even make a lot of money. But we are comfortable and extremely happy.
There is a reason why I do not speak to my family anymore.
I’m a white dude married to a black woman. I had no idea about the whole culture of hair upkeep for black women. How much it costs. How much time it takes. How much it’s a connection point for her and other women.
Interestingly, what was a bigger adjustment had nothing to do with race. I’m an only child and she is one of five so obviously the family dynamics are quite different.
Next month we will be married for 24 years so I guess it’s all good.
I was born and raised in the netherlands (i’m half italian half indonesian but did not grow up with those cultures at home except a little). My girlfriend is persian.
In the netherlands, or at least in my experience, when people say no to something, then they mean no. While apparently for persians it’s seen as polite to decline at least the first offer, often also the second even if you actually really want.
So for example, If she would offer me a cookie and i’d say no, She would ask another 3 times before letting it go, which was cute but also annoying. Meanwhile when i offer her a cookie and she says no. I just quit asking and then she gets a little mad that i didn’t ask her a couple of times more.
It’s not like the biggest difference or anything but it’s a cute, and in the beginning, a very confusing difference
Edit: wow, did not expect 14k upvotes for this comment and i really love to learn so much about these kind of customs and that they are more widespread than i thought it would be! Especially in europe i did not expect it was common in ireland, finland and austria. Thanks for all the upvotes and interesting tidbits of culture that you’ve shared with me.
Also for those wondering. I know my girlfriend by now and the other way around. So yes, sometimes the tarof happens and im prepared for that, and meanwhile my girlfriend knows im not that familiar with tarof so there’s never mich confusion between us. We value good communication
Have a great day you guys.
White male, black wife. Spices and moisturizer.
Our spice cabinet runneth over, and we have a bottle of moisturizer in almost every room of the house. Now I also smell like Coco butter.
The biggest difference I had to get used to was not talking to my mom anymore. She was not happy I married a white person and ‘cut ties’ with me. There was also some subtle racism from members of my family, even though it was small comments I think it’s for the best that I don’t live near any of them.
My husband is Ashkenazi Jewish. He and his family and Jewish friends seem to enjoy arguing for sport. There were a couple of times where I thought people were in relationship ending arguments over politics, but they were totally fine 15 minutes later.
My ex was mexican with darker skin and I’m white, and the weirdest thing was how we knew it was normal to be together where we lived but if we traveled anywhere south, north, or rural, we’d get weird looks and judged. My friend said her grandma from iowa saw a picture of us and told her to not be friends with me… yikes.
I’m white and married a Latino man. When his family says the party starts at 5, it actually means they don’t even start cooking until like 7-8. If you show up at 5, you’ll just be sitting around.
I’m white. She’s Hispanic. Her family loves me. My family hates that she isn’t white. I never knew that they were so racist until after they found out I wasn’t dating a white girl.
Edit: I hate how self-righteous Reddit is. Quit correcting me on me using Hispanic. I know I used it wrong. I just don’t care.
Black woman with a white husband in the UK. I think the biggest difference was how family are treated, in my culture I cannot fathom leaving an elderly family member to live alone and fend for themselves but that seems pretty normal for my husbands family, we talk about it a lot and he agrees it may seem weird but is expected.
Also bonus of money, I am of the mindset that if you give someone money you really don’t ask for it back unless it was pre agreed, as in if I can afford to buy you something I don’t expect something in return. It seems in English culture everyone must pay each other back to the penny and not allow anyone to pay for anything, that’s a real culture shock to me.
An ex was Latina, and while there really weren’t any “social” things that were new getting used to her family dynamic took some adjusting because they were very close and involved in each other’s lives so it was normal for the weekends inevitable BBQ to be something I was expected to be present for if she was going, because otherwise 16+ people would grill her about me not coming.
Not really getting used to but coming to terms with. I’m not in an interracial relationship anymore, but I’m white and my first two girlfriends were black.
Learning my parents were actively trying to get us to break up because of the color of her skin was something I didn’t think I’d ever have to deal with and had to do a hard look at how much I was willing to see my family after that. (LC as of now).
Not me personally, but I’m Asian and have sisters married to white dudes. It’s interesting to see them at family events, with everyone talking with random English words thrown in. They picked up on a few of our words and know when we’re talking about them lol.
What’s sad is seeing my mixed nieces and nephews hate on our culture and think our food is weird. They like to deny being part Asian and claim they’re 100% white which annoys me.
I’m Mexican and my ex is Russian. I thought his mom hated me because when she said goodbye, she meant goodbye and would actually hang up. Quick communication later, I got at least three goodbyes before we got off the phone. 😂.
The rice. So much rice. Every meal.
My bf is Asian, I’m as white as white can be, and other than the rice, we are very similar. But omg the rice. I now cook rice measuring with my knuckle. Before him I cooked rice maybe once a year, now it’s 2-4 times a week.
My boyfriend is Guatemalan. I didn’t know how deeply catholic Guatemalans are. I went no contact with his family for over a year because of the way they treated me. His mother called me “damaged goods” because I wasn’t a virgin which was deeply triggering because I’m an sa survivor. People have a distrust of me because I’m not from their social circle. They also really hate gay people and one day I went off on his cousin. Apparently being an outspoken woman is also very frowned upon. Basically I don’t speak Spanish (I’m learning!) I am not wealthy (they are) and my family isn’t good enough. It’s probably just them tho lol.
Not wearing shoes in the house.
Kicking money upstairs to her family.
Celebrating Chinese New Year Reunion Dinner. Making rice for practically every meal.
“Lucky customs” like one year we didn’t have a lot of money for Christmas gifts so I wrapped up some “practical” gifts. I wrapped up some new kitchen shears and culinary knives and I was scolded because you don’t give those kinds of things as gifts because they “sever the relationship”.
Not complaining. It just took getting used to.
I’m Mexican and my husband is white so I got used to them doing Christmas on Christmas Day and not Christmas Eve 😂nothing crazy but I was so used to Christmas Eve being the big day lol.
In my failed marriage, there was overt racism. I’m Asian and my ex husband is Eastern European. When we first started dating, his mother declared, “There are three races in this world: white, black and yellow, and they should not mix. What would the neighbors say?”Lolololol. His grandfather expressed surprise when he met me because I’m not Black. He thought Japan was in Africa.
Japanese families are generally pretty respectful about not being too intrusive. His family was all into everyone’s business. They would ask questions like, “You’ve gained weight. What are you eating?” and “What does your psychiatrist say about how long you should be on antidepressants?” This is how they bond.
His family felt I was secretive and hated them because I refused to answer these questions. This created a situation where my ex had to choose between his family and me. Guess what his choice was?
I’m South Asian, he’s East Asian. There’s been a few differences around food once we started living together – he’s used to eating meat with every meal, and I grew up vegetarian lol. So I compromise by making vegetarian meals for a few days every once a while when I’ve had enough meat.
Also, people somehow get real curious when it’s two different PoCs getting together. A waitress once literally asked him (in mandarin) how did he get a girlfriend like me.
Always being asked if we want to pay together or separate? Being asked if we’re together or not. People assuming we aren’t married to each other. (Im Asian, he’s white)
Is that something all couples experience? Edumacate me please. 🙏🏼.
The big one. The extend to which casual racism and prejudice is still present, that I as a white man was completely oblivious to. Both directed at minorities (everything from taking longer to get served at the bar to direct unambiguous hate) and within minority communities (refusing to hire certain other minorities, preferential treatment for lighter skin tones etc).
Some other observations:
If we go away anywhere for any length of time there is a ridiculously long list of family friends we need to buy gifts for. We go to visit anyone no matter how frequently need to take a gift. It’s now a budgeted line item…really!
My value as a man is at a first order a function of my career and only my career; doctor, lawyer, engineer, anything else, in that order. It’s how I’ll be introduced this is skukza he’s an engineer, and then I’m accepted as having certain social standing by default.
Big extended community parties, awesome! The men drinking whisky whilst the women clean up afterwards somewhat problematic.
