Woman Finds Out She Was Just A Convenient Plan B For Her Husband, Can’t Believe She Was Fooled
Leading one life is hard enough as it is, so imagine living two. No matter how well one thinks theyâre keeping their secret hidden, itâs just a matter of time before they slip, and all of it catches up with them.
Just like it happened to this man, who not only secretly had another relationship but also married his wife out of convenience. After the truth came to light, his spouse was completely crushed and lost on what to do next.
You never really know who around you could be living a double life
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For this woman it was her husband, which completely crushed her
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Woman discovers she was her husband’s second choice as he stayed in touch with another woman after marriage.
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Woman feeling broken and worthless after learning she was her husbandâs second choice and just a backup plan.
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Living a double life is more common than we probably realize
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Living a double life is more common than we could probably suspect. How a person starts leading one can differ, but a common facilitator that experts have noticed is social media.
âWeâve got smartphones and the internet and technology, so itâs become a lot easier for people to lead a double life,â says Barb Ladd, PsyD, forensic behavioral psychologist at The Liefde Organization.
She points out that creating secret social media accounts and different personas makes it easier to compartmentalize our lives and lose perception of reality and who we really are. After that, it becomes more effortless to lie and maintain the double life.
Research conducted last year shows that, indeed, many young people feel like theyâre living a double life, thanks to social media. A concerning 46% of people representing Generation Z admitted to noticing the difference between their online and real-life personalities. And theyâre not the only ones in thisâ38% of millennials have experienced this, as well as 18% of Gen X and 8% of baby boomers. One-fifth of respondents even confessed to keeping their online persona secret from family members.
People who have different online personas might not even notice how the duality starts bleeding into the real world, as it can happen very subtly.
âPeople do things subtly a lot of the time, like somebody who might participate in online gambling. That might be subtle, but when it rises to the level where they recognize, âMy wife would be very, very unhappy with this,â it becomes a hidden life,â explains clinical psychologist, Dr. Gladys Frankel.
People can be drawn to sustain a double life because of the thrill of doing something forbidden
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That said, we should be wary of generalizations. Not everyone who has a different online persona goes on to lead a double life in real life. Typically, those who engage in a double life tend to have a need to fulfill certain desires within themselves that they lack in real life. There might be something missing in their marriage, so they seek out another relationship in secret or they might not feel themselves at work, so they find a second job to express their passions and creativity.
Something else that can draw a person to sustain a double life is the thrill of doing something forbidden and avoiding responsibility. An example of the latter is choosing to seek out an affair instead of fixing a broken relationship. Narcissistic personality traits could also drive people to seek out more and more experiences that are going to build up. âIf theyâre successful at it, it emboldens them to go deeper and deeper. Iâve seen double lives, triple lives, quadruple lives, quintuple lives,â said Dr. Carlos Protzel, PsyD, clinical psychologist.
Spotting someone whoâs living a double life might not be easy, but observing them and picking up on certain behaviors may do the trick. Some red flags to look out for include odd behavior before leaving (they might have certain rituals before heading into their secret life) and hiding their cell phone and online use. Love bombing is another big giveaway.
âPeople who are living a double life will love bomb,â says Protzel. âIf it doesnât seem right, thereâs usually a reason why you think that.â Endless flattery and compliments are some things to really look out for.
Lastly, a person leading a double life may also exhibit stress, depressive, and addictive behaviors. âThereâs so much shame and guilt and worry about getting busted, and consequences, and being seen in a negative light. So they get very adept at hiding that part of their life,â Protzel concludes.
Commenters encouraged the woman to leave her husband, reminding her that even though it might be hard, she can do it
Reddit user advises woman who learned she was her husbandâs second choice to seek therapy and divorce support for recovery.
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